Deployment and the Stages of Grief

Our next fabulous guest blogger is Sara of the blog "Welcome to the Blog of an Army Wife."  She describes her initial reaction to deployment when husband, Joe, first leaves. 

I was talking to a (civilian) friend of mine earlier today and probably complaining a little too much. I've known this girl since I was 8; she's been my best friend for a long time. She even knows Joe. At one point she gives me a reality check and reminds me that Joe is just deployed, not dead.

But it got me thinking, a very dangerous thing for a wanna-be psychologist to do. In college, I read a book called "On Death and Dying." by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. She outlines 5 stages of grief.

The stages Kubler-Ross identified are:

1. Denial (this isn't happening to me!)
2. Anger (why is this happening to me?)
3. Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...)
4. Depression (I don't care anymore)
5. Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes)

I fully believe I am going through these stages. The day I left Joe at his company I came home and couldn't believe what I had done. I walked around the house repeating, "what have I done, what have I done? This cant be happening."

And then yesterday, I ventured outside of my apartment. Every time I saw a man in uniform I could feel myself getting angry. I even mentioned it on Twitter and some people agreed with my statement and even said the emotions were normal.

So today? I stared at my phone until noon. "I just need a phone call. I just need to hear his voice. I just need to know he's okay. Please call me." And at noon, I heard his voice. And my day got noticeably better. It dawned on me that I hadn't eaten since Thursday morning (I get what we have coined Depression Fasting, I actually forget to eat when I'm sad or upset. And when I am hungry, nothing sounds appetizing). I had even opened a box of girl scout cookies so I would eat something and they had been left on the kitchen counter.

So maybe depression is next? I'm not a depressed person, so this could get interesting.

Grief.

Wikipedia defines it as a response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or something to which a bond was formed.

There is this huge void in my life right now. I knew I would be lonely. Anyone could predict there would be a little depression and a lot of sadness. But the stages of grief? I never saw this one coming.

~ Courtesy "Welcome to the Blog of an Army Wife"
 
For more information, visit Army Well-Being: Deployment Cycle Support.